Wednesday, May 30, 2007

'tatakai wa owara nai.. tatakai wa owara nai..'

omg. i'm going crazy. you see i was fiddling with yc's nintendo ds (which i happily hijacked for my aussie trip heehee) and i decided to play some fifa 2007 at 4am in the morning. on comes this absurd funk japanese song and now i can't stop listening to it. what the hell is it like hypnotic or what? go onto her myspace and listen for yourself. click on 'girl fight'. haha OMG i can't get it out of my head.

anyway my body clock is officially screwed. i can't get to sleep any earlier than 4am. if this continues i'll be going to bed when the sun rises over in melbourne. whee only two weeks to melbourne : ) can't wait to see the bf once again, who shall henceforth be known as ONG TIM TAM for consuming too many of those choclatey confections.

you know you're leading a bum's life when you wake up, and your most major concern is whether to go to zouk or MOS tonight. but cover charges apply tonight and i hate paying to club. i'm an absolute cheapie when it comes to clubbing. why? the drinks they serve you are like bloody water and ice. and unlike guys who can make their $20 worthwhile after a bonus grope or a squeeze, i ain't touching anybody yo.

lately, a bunch of us have rekindled our tetrinet addiction. this dates way back to the lower sec era (seven years ago omg) and we used to stay up and play till 4am, and then see each other in school 3 hours later. tetrinet = internet tetris but with a whole lot of special blocks that enable you to attack, saboh and defend. and it's freeee. download it at tetrinet2.com. don't say good things never share.

thirteen days to melbourne : )

disclaimer: this is not a ghostblog.

posted by chloe @ 3:35 PM



Monday, May 21, 2007

21 and then some more.

it's funny how time is passing so quickly even though i'm practically doing nothing. suddenly it's been two weeks since i've updated this, and only 3 weeks till i leave for melbourne.

my 21st birthday came and went pretty quietly a couple of weeks ago. well i don't think 21 holds much significance for me. the whole "you're an adult now!" thing doesn't really apply i guess, cos i think circumstances in the past have forced me to be just that a long, long time ago. and well as long as you're still studying you'll never truly feel like an adult anyway, you'll still be a fucking slave of stupid institutions which are governed by stupid rules. i guess the only additional benefit turning 21 brings is "hi mum, please put your next property under my name okay?"

one thing i really value this year was to be able to spend quality time with family. even though we had to spend it apart, it's the first time i've really enjoyed my family's company during my birthday. and compared to about three, four years ago, i think my relationship with my parents has improved greatly (or should i say relationships since i should be treating them as separate entities? uh well, the grammar pertaining to family is confusing now i guess) and it means the world to me. for the shitty Catholic i am, i really thank God for guiding me so that i'm at least handling one aspect of my life the right way. it's funny how we ask ever so casually for God to "forgive us our sins", when it's already such a great struggle to even try to forgive one person's sins. but i'm getting there, because i know it's the right thing to do. i am your very own flesh and blood and i will stand by you. always. and from this i know i've really grown up because the me at eighteen would have just said "fuck you" with all that pent-up emo angst.

---

it's been hard for me to really concentrate on anything or anyone because all i truly want now is to spend some time with panghao. it's been a good three and a half months since he's left.. but the sting of separation never wears off. it creeps upon me unknowingly and it returns in an increasingly raw and brutal fashion each time. sometimes it feels like it has the potential to consume whatever love i have in me. sometimes i feel like i'm running an endless marathon, without even knowing where the endpoint is. sometimes it feels like a battle already lost. i came so close to giving up.

and then this tiny something in me awoke. it reminded me who and what i was fighting for, and it reminded me how much i really wanted it. i think if love were an element, it would be this very tiny something. i ask myself what i want in life, and this is the only thing i'm certain of for now. i guess this speck has always existed, but it's only now that i understand its intent.

we'll never be able to predict where or what the endpoint is, and it's useless to say things like we'll get married and love each other till death do us part. sure it's something to work towards, and it would be a beautiful somewhere to reach. but it's not everything a relationship should be about.

no matter where this relationship takes us, i will always have a speck of you in me. and this speck contains the greatest love and companionship i've known till now. and soon i'll be there, right by your side.

right by your side, where i am most alive.

posted by chloe @ 3:11 AM



Sunday, May 06, 2007

birthday schmurfday.

it really, really, really annoys me how people go "oh so you can read my mind...?" after i say i'm a psychology major. look, i study affect, behaviour, cognition, physiological states.. not how to be a fucking gypsy. like omg i have to buy a crystal ball and tarot cards along with my course pack wowww.

i've seen this same old cockroach lurking in my bathroom for a couple of weeks now. i think he lives in the rattan basket which contains random toiletries and such. i wonder what he survives on though, unless bar soap is the new chow for roaches. aimee, yanti and i tried to kill him on friday night but alas, we were out of baygon. so we did a stupid thing and sprayed him with air freshener. he didn't die, but i think some things in my nasal passage did. we've christened him 'papa roach' and i haven't seen him since that night. i guess he hates green tea.

despite the great company in recent days, i've been feeling rather down. i guess the picture under 'misc' explains it all. enough said.

posted by chloe @ 8:22 PM