/undo hiatus.

i can't believe i haven't updated this thing in almost 2 months. i mean, not in the "omg was i that lazy" sense because i know i am. rather, i can't believe 2 months have gone by that quick. when the term starts, everything is just a freaking whirlwind and it's me who's always lost in the centre of everything.

school's been pretty okay, cept the modules i'm taking are a bit taxing this term. i'm one of the few dumbasses who has to sit for five midterm papers. i am so fucked. and i don't know.. i've been stressing myself out a lot cos of schoolwork this term. i've even blown off friends and like, 'fun stuff' to finish up assignments or catch up on my revision. perhaps this is considered a pretty duh and normal thing for most people, but i can safely say i've never been this way for the past twenty years. i've always put leisure above everything else before, and now it seems to be the last thing on my list. perhaps this is growing up, or responsibility, or whatever. i just wish i knew how to strike a balance.. either extreme is definitely no good for me. and at the one i am right now, i just feel like i'm gonna burn out really soon.

why am i working so hard anyway? i've always been the one to do the minimal when it comes to academics. i did barely well enough to get into vj for my actual 'O's, and i did barely okay enough to get into smu with my 'A's. in the same sense, won't merely getting a degree suffice? like to hell with honours or anything like that. i'm quite sure that in the end it's gonna be my personality and talents that are going to get me somewhere in life, and not my piece of paper. so what am i stressing myself out for? i guess i just want to prove something. not to anyone, i don't owe anyone anything. i just want to prove it to myself, that i can be so much more capable than this. i know i am. but everytime it comes down to showing it i only produce mediocre results. and i'm sick of that.

but at the same time, i don't want to lose myself either. so caught up with school, i miss certain things and people that make up so much of me. but at least i'm going back to chorale so that cheers me up a little. doing something that i genuinely love to do. i am at my happiest when i'm singing. and of course, there's always you who keeps me going.

happy 14 months baby. i love you*.