remember remember...
a million msn windows open in front of you but you don't feel like talking.
a word document with five pages to fill but you don't feel like thinking.
for some weird reason, all you want to do is revisit painful memories. perhaps your sick and terrible past helps to remind you how happy and grateful you should be feeling today. perhaps it serves to taunt you and remind you to be stronger. perhaps it's no longer etched so vividly in my memory because it's been replaced in the form of words, font size ten.
do we really ever completely erase these things?
...the fifth of november.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
off weigay's blog.
2 posts in a day. and i can't call it boredom because i actually have psych chaps to cover oops.
1. A song by a Beatle:
the beatles - ticket to ride. don't know their solo stuff
2. A song featuring piano as the main instrument:
vienna teng - gravity
3. A song with a man's name in the title:
lamb - gabriel
4. A song with a woman's name in the title:
suzanne vega - marlene
5. A song about money:
stereophonics - you stole my money honey
6. A song with weather in the title:
damien rice - weatherman
7. A song with parentheses in the title (these are parentheses):
jars of clay - five candles (you were there)
8. A song made by a punk band:
greenday - whatsername
9. A song with the word "song" in the title:
death cab for cutie - stable song
10. A song you love so much you stop and listen whenever you hear it
put it on repeat mode and never get sick of it:
tori amos - your cloud
posted by chloe @ 11:15 PM
on a brighter day.
happiness is..
-making it through your front door just before it starts pouring
-CD shopping and adding another Tori Amos album to your collection (strange little girls this time.)
-discovering a new bus route
-watching a brother hold his baby sister's hand
-having a mug of hot coffee in your hands
-when technology works for you. VPN at home. miracle!
-hearing a song you haven't heard in ages
-a steaming steaming hot shower
-sniggering at a private joke
-finding something nice in the fridge to munch on
-scratching mosquito bites till they go numb
-pulling something out from the back of your wardrobe and actually liking it again
-a comfortable pair of shoes
-yami yoghurt in peach or ben and jerry's in cherry garcia or meiji yoghurt in aloe vera
-hearing your voice on a weeknight
-cracking your knuckles
-an italian b.m.t with onions, lettuce, tomatoes and mayo + pepper
-not making your bed for weeks and getting away with it
-having less than five coins in your wallet
-finding an available gsr to book when you really need it
-being yours.
so what makes you happy?
posted by chloe @ 10:15 PM
Monday, March 20, 2006
moving on.
never imagined myself to become Cinderella as well.
fragments of my glass slipper under your skin.
posted by chloe @ 7:21 PM
Friday, March 17, 2006
sweetness.
after a really stressful school week because of psych exam and everything (i don't think i can ace this one again. shit. wow i never knew i could be this ambitious in setting academic goals for myself.) i had a really nice day to end it off. after a day of sharing stupid stories and making stupid bets with candice, we caught the Kings of Convenience at the esplanade.
ok i know i've been going on and on about them. but i just absolutely love their music, and you have no idea how surprised and estatic i was when i found out they were coming to singapore. like what were the odds man?? apart from erlend's slightly more-scratchy-than-usual vocals, they were perfect. excellent work on the guitar and their wonderful vocals. and beautiful eirik and super dorky funny erlend. i am in love love love. never knew they could sound better than they did on my speakers.
through the alleyways to cool off in the shadows
then into the street following the water
there's a bearded man paddling in his canoe
looks as if he has come all the way from the cayman islands
these canals it seems, they all go in circles
places look the same, and we're the only difference
the wind is in your hair, it's covering my view
i'm holding on to you, on a bike we've hired until tomorrow
if only they could see, if only they had been here
they would understand, how someone could have chosen
to go the length i've gone, to spend just one day riding
holding on to you, i never thought it would be this clear
--cayman islands, kings of convenience
they took me somewhere else. and i wish i never had to leave that place.
posted by chloe @ 1:35 AM
Sunday, March 12, 2006
:)
what is up with people who can't spell definitely and weird? i thought it was a damn primary school thing but even at my age people are still doing it. there you go. the reason why the standard of english in sg is so terrible isn't cos it's compromised by the usage of singlish. it's just cos people are too stupid, sloppy and lazy to even remember how to spell the simplest of words.
looking forward to thursday cos that's when the Kings of Convenience play live. but thurs morning is also my psych exam. i hate it when i have like both a good thing and bad thing on the same day, cos then i can't say "oh shit i'm dreading thurs" yet i can't say "omg thurs is gonna be such a great day" either. haha ok forget it, i'm weird like that.
like satin draped precariously over
the edge of a sturdy frame
breath and heartbeat coincide
storm and silence dissipate
you are my felicity
in our world without end
:)
posted by chloe @ 3:16 PM
Thursday, March 09, 2006
:(
i guess that as long as school's on, it's gonna be inevitable for me to deteriorate to this miserable and moody state i'm in over and over again. here's to another three years of this shit man. but it's fair to say that one AY has gone by faster than expected. 15 weeks per term is really quite short. and i thought my term was gonna end early but my psych paper is like on the LAST day of the exam period, which makes it stretch into week 16, fuck.
thrown in with everything else, it just gets much worse huh.
but thanks meerkat. the soulkat indeed :)
posted by chloe @ 1:45 PM
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
do you want to be a SMUrf?
i don't like hate my school, and i'm not totally in love with it either. i'm just neutral in the sense that it's where i get my uni stuff done and that's it. but one thing i'm really hating about it is the open house posters. compare them with those from last year's campaign and you'll understand why. they just look damn tacky and simple, and so synonymous with umm, some other school.
perhaps conformity eats us all at some point in time. sick.
posted by chloe @ 3:24 PM
infidelity.
perhaps it's cos of the environment i've been brought up in, or cos of the values my religion has instilled in me. whatever the reason may be, the fact remains that one thing i really can't take lying down is infidelity. in my eyes there is just NO way you can justify it, and i can never look at such people the same way again. acquaintance, friend, close friend, family member (haa).. doesn't matter who you are. in my eyes it's just shit la ok.
and i can't believe i actually dated someone who was cheating on his girlfriend. i feel like such a bastard as well. well that's human nature for you i guess. at that point in time you only seek your own happiness and well-being, like fuck it if your actions actually hurt someone else right? for once you deserve to be the one who's happy right? that was my mindset and it was oh-so-wrong. and it's back to haunt me now, because as much as i am against infidelity, i advocated it for the sake of my own personal happiness. and obviously even more so you can't trust the guy to be the righteous one in such situations. shit. i am not ever gonna be that person again.
the illusion of greener pastures is essentially well, just a damn illusion. and if you're forever on the chase for someone "better", when are you gonna stop? till you've found the "best"? if you really love someone, in your eyes he'd already be the best. if he isn't, then i guess it wasn't really love after all.
love the one you're with. and if you can't be true the person closest to you, then don't expect to be true to yourself, or for others to be true to you.
perhaps marriage vows don't even mean anything anymore. it's scary to think that sacred marriage vows can be undone with legal documents. what's the meaning in that? i look at my parents' wedding photos and all i can do is just scoff. like seriously. because if you really love someone, you'd make every freaking effort to make it work. obviously that never happened.
thinking of it makes me sick. how the one who puts a ring on my finger and sleeps beside me everynight might potentially be the one to strip me of whatever faith and dignity i have. commitment is such a scary thing. because it encompasses even more demanding things like discipline and trust.
i'm scared, and i don't know where our relationship is gonna take us to and how long it will last. but just know that in my eyes, there's no one else better than you.
i love you.
ok i can't end on such a soppy note so let me just say i feel like eating porridge now.
posted by chloe @ 12:54 AM
Monday, March 06, 2006
horny nite 2006
hello my dear fellow year 4s (we're so old la) and even older laujiaos, horny nite is here again.
date: this sat, 11th march
time: 6pm
venue: really cold and comfortable vjc concourse.
i'm free. who wants to gooooooo?
edit: whoops i'm not free anymore. so take this as a public announcement heehee, since no one visits forum anymoreeee
posted by chloe @ 1:18 PM
Sunday, March 05, 2006
the bestest things.
it wasn't till last night that i realised how much i missed out on during my vj days cos of how involved i was with choir and the amount of time i spent with my choir clique instead. not that it was bad, i really enjoyed the company and the things we did together but i guess i was really wrong when i thought that not being close to my class/tsd people wouldn't make a difference to me. so very wrong. it's weird huh that i only come to realise this more than a year after we've left, but thankfully it's never too late. i guess we've come to learn that we don't need garden tables anymore. with or without them, we're all moving on with our lives in ways of our own. but moving on without cutting each other off, which is what really matters. how many times have you done that? i know i'm terribly guilty of this. but i have my reasons.. and my reasons are always too damn good.
i've bitched about my Community Service Project (CSP) before. but 9 weeks into my CSP, my mindset has totally changed. not to sound all "i love helping people!!" here but i guess it really is nice to put a smile on the faces of others. and i've never felt such affection and attachment to a bunch of kids before. if you know me well, you'd know that kids are just bloody noisy monkeys who should stay out of my way. it's like scrooge here just felt a little tinge of christmas love. perhaps in future i could actually have a kid and be capable of taking care of him. thank god, i really didn't wanna have to spend the rest of my life taking care of a bunch of bunnies.
for the rest of my life. for the first time, i know i've made the right choice. and it feels absolutely wonderful.
posted by chloe @ 6:51 PM
Saturday, March 04, 2006
end cycle.
i love this song by Logh. it's like two sets of lyrics being sung simultaneously. usually this doesn't work very well because the vowels and consonants clash like mad but well, they've figured it out. and i love it :)
you turned and smiled and said that nothing ever ends
now only a colossal wreck remains
you walked for months to find the other side awash
the burning desert stretches out before your eyes
flood the lands and drown the world once and for all
the sands go on and on until there is no end
--end cycle, logh
i wanna start another sub-site to act as a CD review-cum-catalogue because it's getting hard to keep track of all my CDs. so i guess i can start working on that when my term break comes. but it won't be much of one, considering i'm gonna be busy with faci stuff and now even BE stuff as well. from zero to hero.
but for now. papers, datelines, papers.
p.s i need to be more wow than WoW so my boyfriend can pay more attention to me haha. ok i'm just joking.. no need to start getting paranoid :)
posted by chloe @ 12:09 AM
Thursday, March 02, 2006
st lea.
Yes. just cos i don't attend mass now on a regular basis doesn't make me a damn atheist. my faith is still there, and i'm spiritually as sound as someone who attends 8.30am mass every saturday morning. to me, religion is something bestowed upon you to guide you and enrich you. sure, every religion has its routine/practices/procedures and dos + don'ts but i feel that as an individual i can choose best for myself how i can best practise my faith. my religion to me isn't something as static as just attending mass once every week and on the designated occasions. will my physical presence at my house of worship automatically deem me a very staunch and wonderful Catholic? i don't think so.
for personal reasons, i don't find myself feeling comfortable amongst the congregation at church anymore. which is why i don't go. but most of these reasons have to do with the people. some of their behaviours, attitudes, facades and beliefs just don't go down well with me today. and yeah ok i don't follow all the rules as well.. but that does not signify that my love for God has diminished or withered. it simply means i have my own ways of expressing it.
in my own quiet moments, no one knows of prayers that encourage me, the songs that keep my faith burning, the verses that show me meaning and the conversations that keep me believing.
so don't ever doubt my faith.
posted by chloe @ 11:55 PM
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
cheebye people.
ok moving on and angst aside, i have been accepted as an orientation camp facilitator. ha ha ha ha ha. don't know what possessed me to apply, worse still don't know what made them accept me. i hope i don't get put in charge of whiny princesses or act smart guys... because i'll start to do evil things like let them go in the wrong direction for hours or keep all their nice food for myself. ok you can see why i'm not cut out for this. but hey if you're cool, i'm cool.
and the NYP video is really getting out of hand. everyone knows the internet is a small, small place. it's been circulating to the point where my friend in the US got hold of it. i think the public should stop condemning her. i mean yeah it was a stupid move to shoot something like that and keep it lingering in your phone but the last time i checked, being sexually active wasn't against the law. but if i'm right, theft and manipulation is. such malice and the culprit isn't the one being flamed here? put HER damn name on the papers. put HER damn face on your blogs. because she's the true bitch in this whole incident. sure it's a bit hypocritical for someone like me to be saying because in actual fact it's curiosity like mine that perpetuates the distribution of such material on the internet. but at least i sympathise with her. screwing (pun not intended) up your whole life ahead just cos of a stupid incident like this. i wouldn't know how to face my parents, or the world.
but i guess we all need to give her a break, yes?
the reason why i hate having midterm breaks is that i can never snap out of them. gone are the days when you can score 36.5/50 and still think it's an A.
why soooo harddddddddddddddddddddd.
posted by chloe @ 10:13 PM
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